the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
