Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
