Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
