she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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