Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
