Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
