I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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