There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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