I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
