If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
