Someone shit on the floor
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
