Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize