YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
