So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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