:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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