i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
