i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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