And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
