I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
