I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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