I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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