Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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