:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
