I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
