Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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