Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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