I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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