it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize