It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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