Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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