I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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