is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
