even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
