I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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