I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
