my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
