Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
