and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
