I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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