my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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