Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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