There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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