I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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