Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my phone needs a breathalizer
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize