I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
