Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
