Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
