Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
