im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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