i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
