If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
