I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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