dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
