Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
