I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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