He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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