Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
