He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Randomize
