just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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