So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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