Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
