I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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