Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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