I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
