The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
as a side note pls kill me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
