My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
