you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
