Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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