Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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