I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
